"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

The drivers around here are giving me ample incentive to learn Chinese curse words. The attitude of people in vehicles here toward pedestrians is something along the lines of, “I’m bigger than you and I clearly have more money than you, so get the hell out of my way.” As in the U.S., people here in SUV’s are the worst offenders. For a communist country, China sure has a snotty bourgeoisie.

I’ve pretty much made peace with the fact that as a pedestrian, I basically have to be on guard at all times from the onslaught of buses, cars, bikes, mopeds, and other pedestrians that populate the streets. What I was not prepared for is the occasional driver in a car who decides to use the non-car lane just because it’s more convenient than using the road. Now, the non-car lane I’m talking about is separated from the main road by a concrete barrier. This special lane is intended for use by cyclists, people on mopeds, and pedestrians. Because the lane is physically separated from the road, the cars who enter it are purposely doing so. With malicious intent. And they have the audacity to honk their horns at me when I don’t immediately jump out of their way.

Of course, I do move, but not without unleashing a volley of curse words in English, accompanied by a few fist shakings. (I am emboldened to do this, of course, by the fact that guns aren’t common in China and that if accosted, I would probably outweigh opponent by a good 40 lbs. or so.) When I’m feeling lethargic, I just “boooooo” them. This kind of behavior seems to surprise the locals, who, even if angry, don’t show it. (At least I’m providing some entertainment as a crazy foreigner).

Things are bound to get more interesting now that I have a new weapon in my arsenal: A Chinese curse word. This phrase is the equivalent of calling someone an a$#hole. Are you ready? Here it is in Pinyin: gui tan [not sure of the tones]. When you say it, it sounds like “qway tawn” I've also seen it spelled "wan ba dan."

Wanna know what the translation is? It’s ‘turtle egg.’

No doubt you are wondering how something that’s so innocent came to have meaning as a curse word. Here’s a short and unofficial explanation that comes from D’s dad: Apparently, turtle eggs are impossible to cook. You can boil the heck out of them to no avail. Because they can’t be cooked (at least by boiling), they’re thought of as useless (i.e., can’t be eaten). So, calling someone a ‘turtle egg’ is like calling them useless, but only worse. An alternative explanation (here and on other cites if you google "chinese swear words") -- and the explanation that is most common -- claims that this is more of a “bastard”-type insult, since turtles don’t know who their fathers are. In any case, it’s definitely a head-turning insult.

And now you know.