Conspicuous Consumption

This week the college got some beverage vending machines delivered to campus. If you're curious, the machines stock Coca-Cola products and canned coffee drinks (Nescafe). The person in charge of arranging the machines sent out this announcement, which I want to commend for its forthrightness.

______________________

To: All staff
From: Mr. Director
Subject: Vending machines

Dear all,

Please be informed that cold drinks in vending machines are ready for use. They are located outside Room E207 and B201, B202 open space. We are required to consume 1,200 units per month/each machine to qualify to keep them here, so please make well use of these machines.

Sincerely,

Mr. Director
______________________

Given the nature of this place, I keep expecting a schedule to appear with required "voluntary" purchasing days.

Pop Quiz #2

The object that I am holding in the photo above is:

A) my new badminton racket
B) a miniature tennis racket
C) a teacher's helper (you know, for recalcitrant students)
D) a bug zapper

Be prepared to be jealous, dear readers; the answer is D. This is my new anti-mosquito device, and I have to say, it's mighty fun to use. Basically, this thing is a hand-held electric bug zapper. And it works pretty well. When you smack a bug with it, it fries the critter with a satisfying "Bzzzzzzzt-pop!"

"But how does this technological miracle work," you might be asking. Well, take a look at the English instructions, which I have reproduced for you here (I've left the grammar/phrasing "as is"):

FEATURES [number 5 is very non-committal]:
1. Consisting of three (3)layers of metal net
2. Absolutely safe for people to touch the outer nets with bare finger or body but not safe to squeeze the nets
3. Zapping bugs dead instead of squashing
4. Convenient to kill mosquitoes or bugs effectively, quickly and clean in the house or outdoors; no smell, no chemical; and no environment pollution
5. Normally, bugs will possibly be zapped into pieces in one or two shocks.

DIRECTIONS [note the deterministic tone of 4]:
1. Install batteries
2. Grip handle, press the switch button to initiate power on the nets. Be sure to keep pressing the switch button while hitting the bugs.
3. Never shall we get any shock or danger when we touch (not squeeze) the outer nets, so we can flap mosquito stopping on our skin with this safe swatter directly without shocks.
4. Once the mosquito get in touch with the swatter net, it certainly will not be able to escape. it may be either drawn into the inner net or fastened by static force to the outer net: but when any pat of its body approach the inner net, it will eventually get shocks and zapped immediately.

And finally, some WARNINGS [most of these, like the "THIS BAG IS NOT A TOY" warning, go into the "no duh category"):
1. Do not wash the swatter with water.
2. Do not use metal articles inserting into the nets to initiate sparks for fun, as itmay cause shocks to people and damages to swatter.
3. This swatter is not a toy for children.
4. Do not use it at areas where flammable gas or liquid is existing.

They really ought to market these things in the U.S. I can just imagine the hilarity they'd add to drunken July 4th celebrations.

China: La France = le merde!

Do you remember the anti-French sentiment in the U.S. that was the result of some people's anger of France's tepid reaction to the U.S. invasion of Iraq? Remember the right-wingers who wanted to change the name of french fries to freedom fries? Well, those whackadoos don't have anything on the intense and pervasive anti-France vitriol fanning the flames of nationalism here in China.

It all started when protesters in Paris disrupted the torch's relay. Based on the ensuing rallies and anti-France protests, you would have thought that the all French people dropped trou and christened the Chinese flag with the contents of their bowels.

I don't know the extent to which the Chinese anti-French sentiment is being reported overseas, but let me just say that it is pretty bad over here right now. If you want to see how bad, take a look at the Chinese government's media outlet, China Daily (if you're a real masochist, read some of the comments after the articles.). Most notable: There have been protests outside the popular French supermarket chain Carrefour, and there's at least one report of a non-French foreigner (a U.S. citizen, actually) being attacked by a mob outside of one of the stores. Indeed, foreigners are being advised not to go anywhere near Carrefour stores just in case they incite the ire of an angry anti-France brigade.

The problem is this: the Chinese don't view the Olympics as an international event, they view this year's Olympica as their Olympics, as "Beijing's Olympics." This is their big chance to show the world that China is a mighty country to be reckoned with; a country that is slowly gaining on their nemesis, Japan; and A country that is moving beyond "developing" and into "developed." Anyone who dares to suggest otherwise (particularly on the issue of human rights) is going to get the big smackdown.

Sadly, France is being too apologetic about the whole torch incident. Why they are apologizing for their citizens practicing their freedom to protest is beyond me. Carrefour executives are even more despicable. Terrified of losing out on profits, they are kissing the collective heinies apologizing to the nationalistic mobs who do not tolerate any opinion that differs from their own. Shame on the greedy business leaders who are too worried about losing Chinese customers to support the democratic laws of their own nation.

Not only has the state-controlled media been reporting on how France is a horrible, horrible country filled with completely demoralized people, it has been gleefully reporting on every overseas pro-China protest organized by overseas Chinese. What's hilarious about this, of course, is that it's the democratic overseas governments that allow these protests to take place. Many of these overseas protests are populated by non-citizens, and you can see them enjoying a freedom of assembly not granted to them in their own country. You can bet your buttons that pro-French protests here in China would be squashed in two seconds flat here. In other words, the courtesy of free assembly is not reciprocal.

And if you think that Han Chinese are just bristling to get out from under the boot of their Communist government, think again. A recent editorial in the NYT offers a different view, one that jives with what my students have expressed:

MANY sympathetic Westerners view Chinese society along the lines of what they saw in the waning days of the Soviet Union: a repressive government backed by old hard-liners losing its grip to a new generation of well-educated, liberal-leaning sophisticates. As pleasant as this outlook may be, it’s naïve. Educated young Chinese, far from being embarrassed or upset by their government’s human-rights record, rank among the most patriotic, establishment-supporting people you’ll meet. . . .

As is clear to anyone who lives here, most young ethnic Chinese strongly support their government’s suppression of the recent Tibetan uprising. One Chinese friend who has a degree from a European university described the conflict to me as “a clash between the commercial world and an old aboriginal society.” She even praised her government for treating Tibetans better than New World settlers treated Native Americans. . . .

Educated young Chinese are therefore the biggest beneficiaries of policies that have brought China more peace and prosperity than at any time in the past thousand years. They can’t imagine why Tibetans would turn up their noses at rising incomes and the promise of a more prosperous future. The loss of a homeland just doesn’t compute as a valid concern.

China Daily offers its own version of this editorial: Time to tell them what the Chinese think. Granted, it's written by a mouthpeice for the state controlled news, but let me tell you, this opinion is strikingly similar to what my students express to me in class and in their essays (the Olympic Games are a favorite topic around here).

Organic Gardening

Fruits and veggies are pretty cheap in China, much cheaper than in the U.S. I can go to the local wet market and get sack fulls of fruits-n-veggies for mere dollars. Here is a photo of one of the markets I shop at (this is the veggie part; fruits are sold in a separate section. Notice the 3-person family on the scooter):


Even better, by and large, the local Chinese growers use what we would recognize as "organic" methods of gardening. Part and parcel of this is their use of night soil. Night soil is a euphemistic synonym for human feces:

"Night soil" is produced as a result of a waste management system in areas without community infrastructure such as a sewage treatment facility, or individual septic disposal. In this system of waste management, the human faeces are collected in solid form.

Now, aside from some of the health concerns of such a practice, I personally think that this is a good use of something that generally goes unused today in the U.S. But I did wonder how this was collected. Then, on a walk through Jin Ding, I found out.

See this dude in the picture?

He's squatting next to a manhole and has slid aside its cover. Rushing through the pipes below is all the waste water -- including water from the village's flushable toilets. You can't see it in this photo, of course, but he was using a big ladle to scoop the poo-filled water (well, it was more like poo soup by this point) into a bucket that's sitting behind the cement block on his left.

I do wonder if some locals still use the 'old school' method of collection (i.e., the honey bucket). I imagine so since a lot of locals don't even have a bathroom, let alone a porcelain toilet -- in their homes.

I'm also wondering if this isn't an untapped U.S. market, especially with the economy being so poor and with organic foods being so popular. Who wants to invest in my start-up: Organic Humanure Fertilizer?

Saturday Carnage

Today ate lunch at Mr. Pizza and encountered the usual carnage that is a weekly occurrence in JinDing. A freshly skinned dog was being prepped, and a donkey had been cut open and gutted on the sidewalk. The whole scene was pretty graphic. This time we decided to go home and get the camera to document this. By the time we got back, here's what we saw:

1. This donkey tethered to a tree outside the restaurant:

2. Its friend, already butchered and hanging from meat hooks. From left to right: donkey legs, donkey head, dog, pig, pig.

Only half of the dog remained when we returned, so maybe it was already being eaten. You can see from the what was left of the belly area that it was female.

Rate your teacher

Today in class I administered a required midterm evaluation. The students offered feedback about the course's level of difficulty etc., and they were given space to provide written suggestions about how to improve the course.

Here is a sample of some of the comments that students wrote in repsponse to this prompt: "What improvements on the part of the Instructor would you suggest?"

Some comments are complimentary:
"RB is an excellent teacher. She always arranges everything in order. We love her." [I like the use of "we" there -- makes it sound like I have a whole legion of adoring student-fans :-)]

"I my opinion, RB is an excellent instructor." [Rock on with that opinion!]

Some are comments are very constructive:
"It is quite good now, but it will be better if we can have more practise."

"Maybe we should have more homework!" [No problem! And have you ever had students ask for more homework?!?]

Some comments are lukewarm:
"the Instructor is good enough." Ouch! S/he didn't even use my name.

And finally, there is the "WTF" category, which includes comments like this:
"I hope to gain some delicious food when I am hungry. Actually, I will pay for it. Thank you." [Perhaps I should set up a taco bar in class? I could open a little side business selling snacks to my students and subsidize my ticket home].

32 Channels of Sh*t

I miss U.S. t.v. Even D admits that he misses U.S. t.v. after being subjected to 8 months of spectacularly bad Chinese programming.

How bad does it suck? Let's just say that I look forward to the reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos that sometimes appear one of the stations here. Yes, AFV is actually better than anything CCTV to offer.

Here is a sampling of the kinds of shows on the tube here:

1. The old-timey soap opera.

These are probably the most common type of show on. You can always, always find one of these on no matter what day it is or what time it is. My students tell me that their grandparents love these things. The main character is always some dude with a long pony tail and a fierce look on his face. (Occasionally there will be one of these set during the Cultural Revolution. It's kind of odd to watch this horrific time period played out for entertainment. Must be cathartic or something). These might be mildly entertaining if I could understand the language (I am, after all, a fan of Dallas).

2. The Chinese Craptacular. I get the impression that somewhere in China, there's always a big Vegas-style extravaganza going on, and that for some reason, the national t.v. stations have decided to air these tedious things. The pageantry is over the top, and they go on for HOURS. There's lots of cheesy singing. Most of the time the spokesmodel who is singing is just lip-syncing.

And there's usually a bubble machine on. Because bubbles add that extra something.

For a good overview of the typical craptacular, click here: MORE, please!

3. Peking Opera. You know, the traditional plays where the singing sounds like cats being strangled and where the men used play the female roles because women weren't considered to be worthy to be on stage (or even in the theater).

Sometimes just to annoy D I leave these shows on and turn them up really loud when he is in the bathroom and is, um, occupied, and can't change the channel. The CIA should really consider using this as a way to 'persuade' terrorists to 'aid' the government in the War! On! Terror! Forget waterboarding. Ten minutes of this would break the their will faster than a hot poker in the eye (unless they're Chinese terrorists. People here really seem to dig this stuff. Also, some annoying expats claim to like it ["It's so interesting!" they exclaim.] But I just that most of the expats who say this lying and are trying to sound worldly.)

4. Olympic-related sporting events. Ever since Beijing got the 2008 Olympic nod, the whole country has been Olympics crazy. I swear that CCTV 5 (the sports channel) is dedicated these days to Olympics-only matches. If it's not broadcasting 2008 qualifying events, it's broadcasting old Olympics footage. Here are some sharp shooting athletes:

The usual fare is ping pong, badminton, or diving (the things that the Chinese excel at. They usually don't air track and field events except to relive Lui Xiang's hurdling gold medal).

5. The news. The Chinese language news likes to show soldiers:


And news of Chinese massive economic growth (which is fueled, in part, by traitorous U.S. business people shipping manufacturing jobs overseas):


The English language news out of Hong Kong always features some white dude or dudette. This guy is one of the WORST newscasters I have ever seen. D and I watch him just to mock him:


The mainland English news likes to 'educate' its English-speaking viewers about political issues in the country. Like this 'discussion' about Tibet that was on a few days ago (the segment that aired before this one was a translated interview with an ethnic Tibetan who gave a glowing report of how the Communist government made her life so much better after they 'liberated' Tibet):


6. Game shows. The Chinese don't have the exciting game shows that the Japanese have. But they do have a lot of them. In this picture, the woman in the center of the picture had a bunch of balls velcroed to her clothes. She had 30 seconds to try and remove the balls from her body without touching them with her hands.

Believe me, hilarity ensured as she stomped around the stage trying to shake them loose.

7. Infomercials for Boob enhancement. Like women from other countries, Chinese women are made to feel inadequate about their bodies. This culture simultaneously demands stick thin figures and cleavage. There are commercials on t.v. that advertise breast augmentation surgeries at local hospitals. Frequently advertised are boob-enhancement creams (with impressive computer animated mock-ups of how the creams "grow" boobies):


See the serious white dude in the lab coat? He's supposed to be the brains behind this boob-enhancement product. For some reason the 'doctors' and 'scientists' featured in these commercials are always white dudes.


Those with no money to go under the knife can also purchase an over-priced push-up bra:


Notice how sad the pre-bra woman is (left side) and how happy the post-bra woman is (right side):


As a final testament to how bad t.v. is here, let me just say that my students don't watch it -- they prefer Korean, Japanese, or some U.S. shows (Friends [ugh!] is still wildly popular over here). If I were part of the PRC government, I'd recommend an overhaul of CCTV; there's no reason why state-run t.v. has to be so awful. One would think that a better way to placate the masses and keep them loyal would be to offer something "native" that's just as interesting and is in line with the government's viewpoint. As it is now, most of my students buy pirated DVD's of foreign t.v. shows. Clearly, Propaganda Chief Li Changchun isn't keeping up with the times.

No autographs, please

In the past week, I've been interviewed about my opinions on the differences between "Chinese" and "Western" food (the interview was videotaped) and photographed while pretending to drink Chinese tea. Both of these occured at the request of students (some of whom are mine, some of whom are not) who were working on projects for other classes. I've also been photographed -- for no apparent reason -- by several of my students ("Teacher, may I take a picture?").

These are all normal events in my life these days. Suffice it to say that my startle threshold is much lower than it used to be, especially around cameras.