How bad does it suck? Let's just say that I look forward to the reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos that sometimes appear one of the stations here. Yes, AFV is actually better than anything CCTV to offer.
Here is a sampling of the kinds of shows on the tube here:
1. The old-timey soap opera.
These are probably the most common type of show on. You can always, always find one of these on no matter what day it is or what time it is. My students tell me that their grandparents love these things. The main character is always some dude with a long pony tail and a fierce look on his face. (Occasionally there will be one of these set during the Cultural Revolution. It's kind of odd to watch this horrific time period played out for entertainment. Must be cathartic or something). These might be mildly entertaining if I could understand the language (I am, after all, a fan of Dallas).
2. The Chinese Craptacular. I get the impression that somewhere in China, there's always a big Vegas-style extravaganza going on, and that for some reason, the national t.v. stations have decided to air these tedious things. The pageantry is over the top, and they go on for HOURS. There's lots of cheesy singing. Most of the time the spokesmodel who is singing is just lip-syncing.
And there's usually a bubble machine on. Because bubbles add that extra something.
For a good overview of the typical craptacular, click here: MORE, please!
3. Peking Opera. You know, the traditional plays where the singing sounds like cats being strangled and where the men used play the female roles because women weren't considered to be worthy to be on stage (or even in the theater).
Sometimes just to annoy D I leave these shows on and turn them up really loud when he is in the bathroom and is, um, occupied, and can't change the channel. The CIA should really consider using this as a way to 'persuade' terrorists to 'aid' the government in the War! On! Terror! Forget waterboarding. Ten minutes of this would break the their will faster than a hot poker in the eye (unless they're Chinese terrorists. People here really seem to dig this stuff. Also, some annoying expats claim to like it ["It's so interesting!" they exclaim.] But I just that most of the expats who say this lying and are trying to sound worldly.)
4. Olympic-related sporting events. Ever since Beijing got the 2008 Olympic nod, the whole country has been Olympics crazy. I swear that CCTV 5 (the sports channel) is dedicated these days to Olympics-only matches. If it's not broadcasting 2008 qualifying events, it's broadcasting old Olympics footage. Here are some sharp shooting athletes:
The usual fare is ping pong, badminton, or diving (the things that the Chinese excel at. They usually don't air track and field events except to relive Lui Xiang's hurdling gold medal).
5. The news. The Chinese language news likes to show soldiers:
And news of Chinese massive economic growth (which is fueled, in part, by traitorous U.S. business people shipping manufacturing jobs overseas):
The English language news out of Hong Kong always features some white dude or dudette. This guy is one of the WORST newscasters I have ever seen. D and I watch him just to mock him:
The mainland English news likes to 'educate' its English-speaking viewers about political issues in the country. Like this 'discussion' about Tibet that was on a few days ago (the segment that aired before this one was a translated interview with an ethnic Tibetan who gave a glowing report of how the Communist government made her life so much better after they 'liberated' Tibet):
6. Game shows. The Chinese don't have the exciting game shows that the Japanese have. But they do have a lot of them. In this picture, the woman in the center of the picture had a bunch of balls velcroed to her clothes. She had 30 seconds to try and remove the balls from her body without touching them with her hands.
Believe me, hilarity ensured as she stomped around the stage trying to shake them loose.
7. Infomercials for Boob enhancement. Like women from other countries, Chinese women are made to feel inadequate about their bodies. This culture simultaneously demands stick thin figures and cleavage. There are commercials on t.v. that advertise breast augmentation surgeries at local hospitals. Frequently advertised are boob-enhancement creams (with impressive computer animated mock-ups of how the creams "grow" boobies):
See the serious white dude in the lab coat? He's supposed to be the brains behind this boob-enhancement product. For some reason the 'doctors' and 'scientists' featured in these commercials are always white dudes.
Those with no money to go under the knife can also purchase an over-priced push-up bra:
Notice how sad the pre-bra woman is (left side) and how happy the post-bra woman is (right side):
As a final testament to how bad t.v. is here, let me just say that my students don't watch it -- they prefer Korean, Japanese, or some U.S. shows (Friends [ugh!] is still wildly popular over here). If I were part of the PRC government, I'd recommend an overhaul of CCTV; there's no reason why state-run t.v. has to be so awful. One would think that a better way to placate the masses and keep them loyal would be to offer something "native" that's just as interesting and is in line with the government's viewpoint. As it is now, most of my students buy pirated DVD's of foreign t.v. shows. Clearly, Propaganda Chief Li Changchun isn't keeping up with the times.
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