Cultural Differences: Staring

One of the things that I miss about the U.S. is NOT standing out. Here, I'm always different. Take a look at the photo below; it was snapped before a dinner with folks in D's department. Can you guess which one I am? Yep, you guessed it -- I'm the one off to the left who looks like a garden gnome ("Don't mind me, folks; I'm just gonna sneak into your picture . . . ").



Before we came here, one of my friends warned me that people might stare at me. Indeed, they do. While foreigners are increasingly common in China, especially where we are, the sight of D and/or me just walking down the street still grabs the locals' attention. As D puts it, "the way they look at us, you'd think we were walking a panther on a leash!" People will pass us on the sidewalk (on foot, on bikes, whatever) and then turn all the way around to get a better look. These are adults, mind you, not little kids.

Staring isn't considered rude here. At least that's what the guide books tell us. And most of the time, there's no "rude vibe" that comes from the starer (sometimes there is, though, especially from the thuggish young males that hang out in groups on street corners). This is/was hard to get used to because like a lot of U.S. kids, I was always told, "it's not polite to stare!" by my mom/dad (often, I suspect, in response to me fixing my eyes on someone who looked "different").

The worst part about the staring here for me is my uncertainty about what to do when being stared at. I don't understand the protocol. I mean, sometimes the starer is only a foot away (like on the bus). Am I supposed to pretend I don't notice? Am I supposed to strike up polite conversation? My automatic impulse is to yell, "what? do I have a giant booger on my chin?!?", but I know that would be over-reacting. (Besides, I don't know how to say that in Chinese). I do know that looking directly into their eyes is a "staring antidote." When I do that, they immediately stop staring and look away. Direct eye contact isn't as common here as in the U.S., and people don't seem to be expecting it, especially from strangers.