***This here is a guest post by our resident cowboy, D***
Just down the hill from the college where RB and I teach is a place
called "The International Center." It's something of an all-purpose
weigh station (e.g., hotel, restaurants, gift shop, etc.) for business
people and teachers working down at the end of this very long dusty
road. What follows is a selection of items available on their
"Western-Style Food Menu."*
Soup. How about starting off with some "Threw Teeth Hits Seafood" or perhaps "French Onion Pumpkin Soup." I'm not sure what the first one is, but doesn't that second one sound tasty?! And then there's the "Example Soup." We have often speculated that this one is made up of various leftover ingredients from the kitchen.
Snacks. Need an appetizer? Why not try a "Soya Duck Kidney" or perhaps "Chicken Feet Thai Style?" Another option is "Bone with Salt & Pepper." Yum! One name had my dad laughing so hard that I thought he might need medical attention - "Fried Duck's Nude."
Seafood. In the mood for seafood? One choice is something called "Roasted Epinephelus Portugal Style." As for what this is, well, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe you're feeling a bit adventurous. If so, then the "Pan-fry Jewfish Vanilla" just might hit the spot.
Roasted. So, you're more of a meat eater. Well, you could order an "Angus Pig Redeye Steak." Do you suppose that this is pork? beef? mystery meat? There's also the [less confusing?] "US Cow Redeye Steak."
Pasta Specialties. If you go oodles over noodles then maybe the "Baked Tuna Spaghetti" will have you salivating. Don't forget to ask for some "XO Sauce Catsup" to go with your "Fried Spagherri." Or, for a wild time, you might try "Malaysia Fried Wet Hoer Fun!"
* Note: The restaurant has two different menus, but you do not get to choose your menu. One is for Chinese people and the other (with much higher prices) is given to foreigners, westerners, etc. This is common practice here and is generally referred to -- by foreigners -- as "the foreigner markup."
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2 comments:
Oh my god, I needed that laugh! Some of it you can sort of hear--I mean redeye/ribeye--but "Fried Duck's Nude" sounds like a warning of some sort...like, your roommate telling you that your other housemate (named "Fried Duck," natch) is running around the house nekkid. As in, "Close the drapes, Joe; Fried Duck's Nude!"
I lived in Korea for awhile, so I get the menu thing. Nothing quite as funny there, though. I saved a bunch of packaging because I love the writing. My favorite was the language on a dog dish: "My pet is so happy and appetitive." At least they didn't say "appetizing." They _do_ eat dogs there. At least they used to.
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