How to Live in China and Not Eat Chinese Food

Ominous title for a post, I know, especially since we live in China and are pretty much at the mercy of Chinese food. This wouldn't be so bad if we lived in a province known for good food (e.g., Hunan). But we don't. So D and I have found ways around The System. Our "ways around" includes large infusions of US-style fast food (which I in no way feel guilty about eating as it is by no means the worst health risk here).

Exhibit number 1: KFC redeux. So, you know that we already visited KFC and were completely underwhelmed by it. The chain has redeemed itself in our eyes -- or perhaps we're just more used to the chaos of the place -- because during our last KFC visit (this past Saturday), I had a good time.

The place was packed. They always are. KFC reigns supreme here as the Fast Food King. I managed to find us a seat while D ordered our food. His task was no small feat given the fact that while there were 60 or so people waiting to order food, there was no line in evidence. It's all "elbow, push, move - elbow, push, move" to the counter. I suspect that D's size gave him an advantage in this regard.

He arrived at the table, triumphant, holding aloft a tray laden with a bucket of chicken and a litre of some Pepsi (Yuk, but at least I could read the label) product. I should note that he was only able to find me in the crowd because I guided him in via cell phone.

Photographic evidence:


We were surrounded by children celebrating their birthdays, and in the background "Happy Birthday" was playing -- in Chinese, of course. It was kind of surreal -- like being trapped inside of the "Small World" ride at Disney.

Exhibit #2: McDonald's Chinese-speaking success. I have no photographic evidence for this, but it nevertheless needs to be recorded. D's successfully ordered a large coke at McDonald's, but instead of doing it by pointing to the picture menu (the menu they hand to stupid foreigners like us), he ordered it in Chinese. And the workers understood! Totally cool. We spend entirely too much time at McDonald's, and I love, love, love it there.

Exhibit #3: Pizza and hamburgers. We got turned onto a new pizza place by a colleague, an expat from Atlanta (he is known in these parts as "the Colonel"). The place, called Dynamics Pizza, is a chain. The franchise we visited is owned by a South African. Here's what we ate:


That's Carribean Chicken Pizza, a burger, and a Coke. The pizza was serviceable (kind of like Digiorno; I've had to exponentially lower my standards for pizza since coming here. I am millions of miles away from a real slice of pizza [a.k.a. New York Style]). The burger was a Chinese-style burger in that it wasn't pure beef -- tasted like a beef, pork, chicken mix. But at least it looked like a real burger. And we could order our food in English.

Exhibit #4 -- Fried fish balls from a street vendor.

Okay, so these aren't Western, but they're not really Chinese, either. They remind me more of Japanese food. They're a mix of cabbage and onions, fried in little pans, covered in shaved bonito and wasabi, and served up with these stabby little chopsticks. They cost 2.5RMB for three, and they are tas-tee.

Exhibit #5: Gourmet Wu (of course).

The point of all of this is that we are finding ways to enjoy Chinese food in moderation without having it forced down our throats.

Of course, I would still kill for Mexican food (damn you, brother, and your all-you-can-eat Mexican buffets ;-)